Sometimes the Problem Is You!

Before you get defensive… hear me out. 💜

About a year ago, my husband and I adopted our puppy, Mopsey.

Like many new dog owners, we were excited, a little overwhelmed, and eager to teach her everything she needed to know. We were also told to wait a few months before starting formal training.

Unfortunately, those few months happened to line up with one very cold winter.

So, we waited.

As the weeks went by, I found myself becoming more and more frustrated.

I would ask Mopsey to do something, and she wouldn't listen.

Or at least that's what I thought.

She didn't seem to understand what I wanted, and I couldn't understand why she wasn't catching on.

Sound familiar?

Maybe you've experienced this with a coworker.

A spouse.

A friend.

Or even one of your children.

You explain something that feels perfectly clear in your mind, yet somehow the other person hears something completely different.

It can feel like you're speaking two different languages.

The frustration builds.

You begin thinking:
"Why aren't they listening?"

Finally, we found a trainer.

I expected the trainer to teach Mopsey.

Instead...

She taught me.

I quickly realized there were several things I wasn't doing consistently.

Sometimes I used different words for the same command.

Sometimes my timing was off.

Sometimes my body language communicated something completely different than what I was saying.

Without realizing it, I was sending mixed messages.

Poor Mopsey wasn't ignoring me.

She was confused.

That lesson stuck with me because it reminded me of something I see in my workshops all the time.

Communication Is a Two-Way Responsibility

When communication breaks down, our first instinct is often to look outward.

"They don't listen."

"They don't understand."

"They're difficult."

Sometimes those things may be true.

But sometimes...

We're contributing to the confusion more than we realize.

That isn't meant to create guilt.

It's meant to create awareness.

Because awareness gives us something we can actually change.

The Questions Worth Asking

Instead of asking:

"Why aren't they listening?"

Try asking:

• Was I clear?

• Was I consistent?

• Did I explain the expectation?

• Did I check for understanding?

• Could I communicate this differently?

Those questions shift us from blame to curiosity.

And that's where growth begins.

The Workplace Connection

This lesson applies far beyond puppy training.

In the workplace, unclear expectations and inconsistent communication create stress, frustration, and mistakes.

People are often trying their best.

But if expectations aren't communicated consistently, even the most motivated employees can become confused.

One of the greatest leadership skills isn't simply giving direction.

It's creating clarity.

The clearer our communication, the less people have to guess.

The less they guess, the fewer assumptions are made.

And the fewer assumptions we make, the stronger our relationships become.

The Hardest Lesson

The biggest lesson Mopsey taught me had very little to do with dogs.

It had everything to do with me.

Sometimes the first place to look isn't at the other person.

It's in the mirror.

Not because we're always the problem.

But because we're the only people, we have the power to change.

That mindset doesn't just improve communication.

It builds stronger teams, healthier relationships, and a little more grace for everyone involved—including ourselves.

So this week, if you find yourself feeling frustrated with someone, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself:

"Is there anything I might be doing that's adding to the confusion?"

You might be surprised by the answer.

And don't forget…

Drink The Coffee While It's HOT! ☕💜